Shapiro couldn’t recruit Trestman

The Sports Corner has learned Marc Trestman, head coach of the Montreal Allouettes, pulled himself out of the University of Miami’s interviewing process, contrary to reports after The U hired Al Golden.
“There just wasn’t any point in getting paid by a school that doesn’t have a booster providing players and coaches, for lack of a better term, boats and hoes,” said Trestman.
“I mean, they offered $2 million per year, and maybe that’s good enough for Golden, but that ain’t me.”
But why, then, would Trestman choose to continue his head coaching career in Montreal?
The answer is clear: strippers in Canada are allowed to get naked.
“That’s a big deal for me,” said Trestman, the former Minnesota Golden Gophers quarterback.
Nevin Shapiro, the booster that admitted to providing illegal benefits to University of Miami players and is currently serving a 20-year prison sentence for his role in a Ponzi scheme, tried to cut a deal with Trestman to lure him to the coaching job.
Shapiro, whilst in prison, friended Trestman on Facebook, followed him on Twitter, and even tried to add him on Nexopia.
Shapiro admitted it was a similar tactic to recruiting 17-year-old underprivileged high school football players.
“I figure if a kid, or even a grown man who I want to coach football at my alma mater, gets a Facebook message offering free hookers on a yacht, they’re not going to turn it down,” said Shapiro.
However, Trestman said he just couldn’t trust a guy that was still in prison.
“I needed those boats, I needed those hoes, but I just wanted them as soon as possible, not in however many years it takes for this guy to get paroled,” he said.
“There’s no way I can recruit the best players in the state of Florida without those types of recruiting tools.”